Forgiveness: An Act of Personal Self Interest

In 1990 having graduated from SEBTS I remained at the school on staff as an admissions officer. A new professor had joined the faculty. He and I became friends and started working out together. Our wives became friends. They were there for us at the hospital when our first son was born. He held MaCrae in his arms. We have pictures in MaCrae’s photo album. We were good friends. Then they approached us on getting involved in a home-based business they had started. Nothing wrong with home based businesses. Sherry and I have done some of those over the years, but we weren’t particularly interested in what they were selling personally and coming from a sales background I know it helps to believe in what you are selling. So we kindly declined the offer.

From that time forward they no longer wanted to hang out with us. They stopped eating with us. He stopped working out with me or speaking to me on campus. For all intents and purposes they threw our friendship out the window. They had passionately bought into the cult like mentality of the organization with which they were involved. They were living the mantra of many such organizations “SAY YES SAY NO GOT A GO”. In other words, I Don’t have time for friendships anymore that don’t directly impact my financial position in a positive way. Unfortunately, much of the world is that way today.

At first I was hurt, then I was angry. I could not believe that a seminary professor would allow his personal desire for wealth to destroy a friendship. But I also knew that I could not just go to him and say, “I forgive you”. Not because I didn’t want to, for I already had. But even Jesus on the cross did not look down at the people and say I forgive you, but instead he took it to His Father and pleaded with his father to forgive them.

So after several weeks of this nonsense I finally made the decision to go to him. But please hear what I am about to say. I did not go to him to tell him I forgive you. Sometimes you can do that but you have to pray for discernment in these matters. AND you need to be very careful about doling out forgiveness to those who do not think they need it. That doesn’t mean that you haven’t forgiven. But you cannot go to someone in your own self-righteousness as if you are better than they are because you are the one making the first move. If you do you are operating in a spirit of pride and on top of that you are likely to find only resentment waiting for you. Even when you have the right spirit of humility you may not be received because they may not accept that they have done wrong. The Pharisees rejected Jesus because they did not understand their need for forgiveness. Again, even on the cross Jesus did not say to the people I forgive you, but the cross was rather the avenue through which forgiveness could be found for those who knew they had a need.

As I continued to pray over this situation I came to the realization that I was one who had a need. So I went to my friend and asked him to forgive me. Some may think that doesn’t even make sense. Your friend is the one who needed forgiving. You obviously just have a guilt complex. You have already told us that you were a vandal as a teenager. Obviously you just feel guilty about everything.

NO NO NO. It was not out of guilt. I knew that I was free in Christ and if Christ sets us free we are free indeed. But the Lord had laid on my heart that this was what I needed to do. At the time I did not fully understand why or what the outcome would be. I wrestled with my thoughts that I was not the one who had done anything wrong. It was my friend who was wrong. My human intellect could not make sense of what God was saying in my spirit to do.

Finally, I went to his office, knocked on the door and stood before him. He was studying for a class. He looked up from his book and I said, "I have come to ask for your forgiveness. I have held resentment in my heart and have been angry that our friendship is not what it use to be and I just want you to know I wish you well in your business". He looked back down at his book without saying a word and I turned to go. I put my hand on the doorknob and he called my name. I turned to face him again and He said, "NO". Then he pushed back his chair came around the desk and with tears in his eyes he said< "I am the one who needs your forgiveness".

Then and there I understood why God was leading me to do what seemed so contrary. Oh the power of the cross. Then and there under the shadow of the cross a friendship was restored. Love grew where the blood fell. I walked back home singing…

It’s not my brother, not my sister but it’s me oh Lord STANDING IN THE NEED OF PRAYER.

Contrary to what our emotions or the world may tell us. The Bible teaches that it is in our own best interest to forgive. It is evidence of the grace of God in our lives. I love what Mark Twain wrote, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the flower sheds on the heel that crushed it" There are even major university studies being conducted now on many campuses on the physical benefits of forgiveness. Lower blood pressure – longer life span – more content lives. As if we needed the classroom to validate what God’s Word has already taught us.

You want to be happier, you want to be healthier? LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE! Forgiveness really is a matter of your own personal best interest.